30 August 2005

The Jokes Are Getting So Old...

...that I'm finishing them for people. But that isn't the worst of it. Neither are the legions of co-workers who have a firm grip of the obvious and aren't afraid for a second to demonstrate it.

"Heyyy...you're on one crutch now. Making progress, huh?"

Holy shit. I hadn't noticed. I swear I was just on two crutches. One of 'em must have disappeared right under my armpit. Can you help me find it?

"Heh...I can hear you coming like a mile away. Click...click...click..."

Get the fuck out of here. You can? Shit, I hadn't noticed any noise at all. A mile? Damn, you're in the wrong business. You should be a spy or something.

Okay, so they're just making smalltalk. Shouldn't be so tough on folks, right? They mean well, I imagine. I like the clever ones, though.

"So, how long before you the doc'll let you have some gum?"

I get it - after walking comes walking and chewing gum at the same time. Funny! No, really. I actually hadn't heard that one until today. Well done. Beats the feigning of tripping moves by a long shot.
And the simple "How's that feeling today?" is fine. Even if you don't actually care, I'll take that over the stupid old jokes. I probably shouldn't be so hard on the people pointing out the shift from two crutches to one - at least they're paying attention.

But the capper thus far came this morning.

Grossly Overweight Useless Security Hag: Aww...did oo faww down gedda boo-boo?
Me: [no reaction, just keeps gimping toward the elevators, thinking What the fuck...did she just say...?]
Grossly Overweight Useless Security Hag: Heh...he's not saying anything.
Me [gruffly, without breaking stride]: That's because it wasn't funny.

I had to force myself not to turn around and make her feel really stupid. Probably would have been wasted effort anyway.


tabitha jane said...

it's like on office space when that lady says "sounds like somebody has a case of the mondays"

sorry friend. you'll be off soon right?

Breanna said...

overweight useless security hag....brilliant.

four words i hope NEVER get attached to me.

only thing worse than people's horrid jokes is having to tell the story of how it happened eight gazzilion times. i was on crutches for eight weeks in 7th grade for a particularly embarrassing incident...it was like PTSD to have to retell that damn story

Ghost Dog said...

TJ: I know! Case of the Mondays...why I oughtta...grumble...

In 7 days, I get to pitch my remaining crutch into the deepest ravine I can find.

B: Yeah, the storytime bit gets mighty old mighty fast. I'd make stuff up, but it just isn't worth the effort. I start with "Oh, I had surgery on it," to see if that'll satisfy 'em. I should just print little slips of paper with the permalink to my blog posts about it and hand them out.