30 August 2005

The Jokes Are Getting So Old...

...that I'm finishing them for people. But that isn't the worst of it. Neither are the legions of co-workers who have a firm grip of the obvious and aren't afraid for a second to demonstrate it.

"Heyyy...you're on one crutch now. Making progress, huh?"

Holy shit. I hadn't noticed. I swear I was just on two crutches. One of 'em must have disappeared right under my armpit. Can you help me find it?

"Heh...I can hear you coming like a mile away. Click...click...click..."

Get the fuck out of here. You can? Shit, I hadn't noticed any noise at all. A mile? Damn, you're in the wrong business. You should be a spy or something.

Okay, so they're just making smalltalk. Shouldn't be so tough on folks, right? They mean well, I imagine. I like the clever ones, though.

"So, how long before you the doc'll let you have some gum?"

I get it - after walking comes walking and chewing gum at the same time. Funny! No, really. I actually hadn't heard that one until today. Well done. Beats the feigning of tripping moves by a long shot.
And the simple "How's that feeling today?" is fine. Even if you don't actually care, I'll take that over the stupid old jokes. I probably shouldn't be so hard on the people pointing out the shift from two crutches to one - at least they're paying attention.


But the capper thus far came this morning.

Grossly Overweight Useless Security Hag: Aww...did oo faww down gedda boo-boo?
Me: [no reaction, just keeps gimping toward the elevators, thinking What the fuck...did she just say...?]
Grossly Overweight Useless Security Hag: Heh...he's not saying anything.
Me [gruffly, without breaking stride]: That's because it wasn't funny.

I had to force myself not to turn around and make her feel really stupid. Probably would have been wasted effort anyway.

3 comments:

tabitha jane said...

it's like on office space when that lady says "sounds like somebody has a case of the mondays"


sorry friend. you'll be off soon right?

Breanna said...

overweight useless security hag....brilliant.

four words i hope NEVER get attached to me.

only thing worse than people's horrid jokes is having to tell the story of how it happened eight gazzilion times. i was on crutches for eight weeks in 7th grade for a particularly embarrassing incident...it was like PTSD to have to retell that damn story

Ghost Dog said...

TJ: I know! Case of the Mondays...why I oughtta...grumble...

In 7 days, I get to pitch my remaining crutch into the deepest ravine I can find.

B: Yeah, the storytime bit gets mighty old mighty fast. I'd make stuff up, but it just isn't worth the effort. I start with "Oh, I had surgery on it," to see if that'll satisfy 'em. I should just print little slips of paper with the permalink to my blog posts about it and hand them out.